Sunday, 23 December 2012

New leaf

You know people say that life isn't about the destination. It's about the journey. And I guess they are right all along. Up till the moment I met Nawal, I don't know where I'm heading. I have no clear purpose. You can say that I have no motivation to move ahead in life. Believe me, I was that hopeless. But Nawal changed me.

All my life, I dreamed about meeting someone like her. Someone who's kind, soft hearted, loving. 27 years I roamed the earth, and I met so many people. And yet, in all 7 billion people on the earth, I finally found Nawal. It wasn't without adversities that I managed to meet her. I stumbled and fell, and by metaphor, I believe I've broken every bone in my body. And Allah cured me just by simply setting us up together.

No other woman mesmerized me like she does. The way she smiles, the way she laughs, and my God, the way she farted. Hahaha. The drama that we went through to get to this point of our relationship. Oh brother. I wish that I'm that good of a writer so that I can write a story about all of it. The progress of our relationship wasn't as smooth as you imagined. We both have our past that we need to swallow and digest. But alhamdulillah, we managed to jump over any hurdles that were thrown at us, and hopefully we can jump some more.

Nawal, I'm thankful for all that you have done to me, and for me. No one could ever replace you. I pray that we will be together now and hereafter. I want you to be the mother of my kids, the first mate of my ship, the co-pilot of my plane, my loyal partner that I can and will share everything that I have in this world, material and otherwise. I can't wait to see you tomorrow on the altar, waiting for me to give you a kiss on your forehead. I can't wait to marry you :)

I promise I'll be there

I love you sayang

Monday, 26 November 2012

Dear my future kids

28 more days to the wedding. It feels just like yesterday we met at Starbucks The Curve, where she had a frappucino (and later that night went down the loo because she's lactose intolerant LOL), skipped a free movie, and had a wonderful first dinner together at Porto Romano. During that dinner, we exchanged our life stories, how we both were hurt by our past lives, and how we both want to pick up the pieces of our broken heart. Your mother, she's a magnificent woman. Strong yet gentle. Determined yet vulnurable. We both know what we want, and at that moment, we know that this is it. I know it sounds magical, and fairy tale-ish, but it's because it is.

Few days later, I brought her to see your grandma and grandpa. Do you know what happened? Grandma proposed to your mother. She beat me to it LOL. And your mother sheepishly smiled. Malu konon. I guess your mother perfectly fits your grandma's criteria; kindergarten teacher. That's why she couldn't wait. Silly grandma.

And then I was introduced to your mother's parents. Boy, it was as awkward as hell. Your grandpa totally ignored me from the first time we met, up till the day we got engaged. But I made it my mission to win her parents' heart. Alhamdulillah, so far, I'm successful LOL.

The drama we went through before I went for merisik. Oh god. At first, your grandpa didn't agree because it was too soon, but your mother fought like we're in a romantic comedy movie. I cried in my prayers, because I believed that this is the one. Your mother is the one for me. In the end, your grandpa gave up, and agreed to let me marry your mother. Our hardheadedness paid off.

So here I am, 28 more days before we are legally a soulmate, 240 days after you guys are a possibility. I hope everything turns out well.

I love you Nurunnawal

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Dear diary

Today she farted audibly. It was the cutest sound of flatulence I've ever heard. Here's to many more years of gassy encounters together :)

Sunday, 1 July 2012


You know that ringing sound that you will perceive when you are in a very quiet area? Some people say this is an auditory-illusion brought about the ear’s inability to detect frequencies below the threshold of the human senses. This is completely wrong. That ringing covers up something else altogether. If you are quick, patient, and maybe a little lucky, you will be able to hear past the ringing. What you will hear are voices whispering to each other. They will silence themselves quickly but with practice, you will become more adept at catching and interpreting what they are saying. You will hear things of the past, the present, and the future. However, you must be careful. Because there is no such thing as a voice without a body.

And when you start noticing them, they will start noticing you.

Stop smoking: Side effects

So, I had to wait till I celebrated my first 4 weeks of nicotine free life, which was last Saturday to write this post, or else it won't have any credibility on it right? Oh, and by the way, few of my friends are joining the #noMoreCig movement; to quit smoking cold turkey. I'm proud of them because they have the balls to do it. It's hard, I know this first hand. But as friends, we'd have each other's back as we go along

Anyways, let me break it down on a weekly basis:

Week 1

The first week is the most painful week. First you will get cough and phlegm. Lots of phlegm. It was like you had swallowed the devil's jizz and you have to spit it back out. Prepare your cough syrup, honey, and warm water to accompany your nights. Apparently, this symptom is because your body is regulating itself and it's trying to get rid of the excessive mucus from your throat, as well as the tar build up in your lungs. Think of it as a change of management; some things have got to go in order to restore balance.

After the cough and phlegm, comes the mild fever. Now this differs from person to person. I had a very mild fever, whereas I heard some people even got hospitalized. So it really depends on your immune system. It will go away in 2 to 3 days.

Next, the PMS. Yes, men will have the worst PMS ever. Like they have a vagina, and a little bit of sand got stuck in it. These ex-smokers will be easily irritated, easily annoyed, can easily lose their temper. It's all in the mind, yes. But please, you can't expect us to have super power mind, can you? In the first week, it will be bad. But as the cravings slowly disappear, so will the PMS. These ex-smokers are so used to smoke at least once in an hour. Going for a few days without a cigarette will definitely have an effect to their mind.

Your body will get tired easily and your mind will have short attention span. To combat this, don't take caffeine. Caffeine won't help. Drink lots of warm water, and take short naps in between. Sleep more than you usually do. You will need all the extra energy and concentration to go through the days.

And last but not least. THE CRAVINGS. God, my mouth watered at the thought of having a cigarette after each heavy meal; breakfast, lunch and dinner. And not to mention, the pooping sessions. How do you combat this? Well for me, I tweet more, and occasionally munch on chewing gums. Do anything that could take your mind off the cigarette. It will be a constant battle because your mind will keep thinking about it. Take 3 deep breaths when the craving comes. It will go away in 3-5 minutes. Be strong 

Week 2

The PMS is still there. The cough and phlegm are still there. But they aren't as bad as the first week. You'll still need that extra sleep especially if you drive a lot. Spend more time in a non-smoking area. Try to avoid smoking crowds. Eat in smaller portions, but often. The momentum is building. You can't waste your effort last week by quitting now. Be patient, be strong.

You will notice that food will become tastier, and you will be more sensitive to perfumes. Your gum will feel a bit tight. That's because your taste buds and respiratory system are healing, replacing the dead cells. And nicotine had shrunk the blood vessels in your mouth. Now that you've stopped smoking, slowly, it is expanding and repairing itself. It's amazing how your body is repairing itself after the extensive damage you have done to it.

Week 3 & 4

No more phlegm and cough. PMS is going away. Your body is close to working normally now. The only thing that is still bothering you is the craving to light up a stick. Try inhaling a puff now. You will feel that the smell is awful, and you don't like it at all. That's because your system is recuperating and healing. Doing sports now is not a bad idea, as it helps replace the carbon monoxide in your hemoglobin with oxygen at a faster rate.

The momentum is already there. Keep it up. Soon you will no longer feel the need to smoke anymore. In these few weeks, you're gonna need a strong and supportive partner, as well as something to distract your mind off cigarettes.

Moving forward

Congratulations. You have made it into your first month of not smoking. Set a milestone, and don't forget to reward yourself with something, i.e: 1 month, 3 months, half a year, 1 year. Stay positive, and remember that the pain that you're going through is going to be worth the extra years in your life. Good luck, and if you do relapse, just keep calm, and do it again.

Tweet me at @aizadfahmy if you need advice or someone to talk to. I'll be there for you and help you any way I can

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Love note #2

As I'm writing this, you're fast asleep on the other side of the phone. I'm keeping my promise to not hang up til it disconnects. 3 more minutes sayang. Funny how you could turn me into something I hated before; a hopeless romantic. You're my imagination turned reality. My kind of a perfect girl :)

Time's up. Line got disconnected. Good night sayang. Have a good rest!

p/s: I love you

Sunday, 24 June 2012


Just like a dream come true