You know people say that life isn't about the destination. It's about the journey. And I guess they are right all along. Up till the moment I met Nawal, I don't know where I'm heading. I have no clear purpose. You can say that I have no motivation to move ahead in life. Believe me, I was that hopeless. But Nawal changed me.
All my life, I dreamed about meeting someone like her. Someone who's kind, soft hearted, loving. 27 years I roamed the earth, and I met so many people. And yet, in all 7 billion people on the earth, I finally found Nawal. It wasn't without adversities that I managed to meet her. I stumbled and fell, and by metaphor, I believe I've broken every bone in my body. And Allah cured me just by simply setting us up together.
No other woman mesmerized me like she does. The way she smiles, the way she laughs, and my God, the way she farted. Hahaha. The drama that we went through to get to this point of our relationship. Oh brother. I wish that I'm that good of a writer so that I can write a story about all of it. The progress of our relationship wasn't as smooth as you imagined. We both have our past that we need to swallow and digest. But alhamdulillah, we managed to jump over any hurdles that were thrown at us, and hopefully we can jump some more.
Nawal, I'm thankful for all that you have done to me, and for me. No one could ever replace you. I pray that we will be together now and hereafter. I want you to be the mother of my kids, the first mate of my ship, the co-pilot of my plane, my loyal partner that I can and will share everything that I have in this world, material and otherwise. I can't wait to see you tomorrow on the altar, waiting for me to give you a kiss on your forehead. I can't wait to marry you :)
I promise I'll be there
I love you sayang
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Monday, 26 November 2012
Dear my future kids
28 more days to the wedding. It feels just like yesterday we met at Starbucks The Curve, where she had a frappucino (and later that night went down the loo because she's lactose intolerant LOL), skipped a free movie, and had a wonderful first dinner together at Porto Romano. During that dinner, we exchanged our life stories, how we both were hurt by our past lives, and how we both want to pick up the pieces of our broken heart. Your mother, she's a magnificent woman. Strong yet gentle. Determined yet vulnurable. We both know what we want, and at that moment, we know that this is it. I know it sounds magical, and fairy tale-ish, but it's because it is.
Few days later, I brought her to see your grandma and grandpa. Do you know what happened? Grandma proposed to your mother. She beat me to it LOL. And your mother sheepishly smiled. Malu konon. I guess your mother perfectly fits your grandma's criteria; kindergarten teacher. That's why she couldn't wait. Silly grandma.
And then I was introduced to your mother's parents. Boy, it was as awkward as hell. Your grandpa totally ignored me from the first time we met, up till the day we got engaged. But I made it my mission to win her parents' heart. Alhamdulillah, so far, I'm successful LOL.
The drama we went through before I went for merisik. Oh god. At first, your grandpa didn't agree because it was too soon, but your mother fought like we're in a romantic comedy movie. I cried in my prayers, because I believed that this is the one. Your mother is the one for me. In the end, your grandpa gave up, and agreed to let me marry your mother. Our hardheadedness paid off.
So here I am, 28 more days before we are legally a soulmate, 240 days after you guys are a possibility. I hope everything turns out well.
I love you Nurunnawal
Few days later, I brought her to see your grandma and grandpa. Do you know what happened? Grandma proposed to your mother. She beat me to it LOL. And your mother sheepishly smiled. Malu konon. I guess your mother perfectly fits your grandma's criteria; kindergarten teacher. That's why she couldn't wait. Silly grandma.
And then I was introduced to your mother's parents. Boy, it was as awkward as hell. Your grandpa totally ignored me from the first time we met, up till the day we got engaged. But I made it my mission to win her parents' heart. Alhamdulillah, so far, I'm successful LOL.
The drama we went through before I went for merisik. Oh god. At first, your grandpa didn't agree because it was too soon, but your mother fought like we're in a romantic comedy movie. I cried in my prayers, because I believed that this is the one. Your mother is the one for me. In the end, your grandpa gave up, and agreed to let me marry your mother. Our hardheadedness paid off.
So here I am, 28 more days before we are legally a soulmate, 240 days after you guys are a possibility. I hope everything turns out well.
I love you Nurunnawal
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Dear diary
Today she farted audibly. It was the cutest sound of flatulence I've ever heard. Here's to many more years of gassy encounters together :)
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Creepypasta
You know that ringing sound that you will perceive when you are in a very quiet area? Some people say this is an auditory-illusion brought about the ear’s inability to detect frequencies below the threshold of the human senses. This is completely wrong. That ringing covers up something else altogether. If you are quick, patient, and maybe a little lucky, you will be able to hear past the ringing. What you will hear are voices whispering to each other. They will silence themselves quickly but with practice, you will become more adept at catching and interpreting what they are saying. You will hear things of the past, the present, and the future. However, you must be careful. Because there is no such thing as a voice without a body.
And when you start noticing them, they will start noticing you.
And when you start noticing them, they will start noticing you.
Stop smoking: Side effects
So, I had to wait till I celebrated my first 4 weeks of nicotine free life, which was last Saturday to write this post, or else it won't have any credibility on it right? Oh, and by the way, few of my friends are joining the #noMoreCig movement; to quit smoking cold turkey. I'm proud of them because they have the balls to do it. It's hard, I know this first hand. But as friends, we'd have each other's back as we go along
Anyways, let me break it down on a weekly basis:
Week 1
The first week is the most painful week. First you will get cough and phlegm. Lots of phlegm. It was like you had swallowed the devil's jizz and you have to spit it back out. Prepare your cough syrup, honey, and warm water to accompany your nights. Apparently, this symptom is because your body is regulating itself and it's trying to get rid of the excessive mucus from your throat, as well as the tar build up in your lungs. Think of it as a change of management; some things have got to go in order to restore balance.
After the cough and phlegm, comes the mild fever. Now this differs from person to person. I had a very mild fever, whereas I heard some people even got hospitalized. So it really depends on your immune system. It will go away in 2 to 3 days.
Next, the PMS. Yes, men will have the worst PMS ever. Like they have a vagina, and a little bit of sand got stuck in it. These ex-smokers will be easily irritated, easily annoyed, can easily lose their temper. It's all in the mind, yes. But please, you can't expect us to have super power mind, can you? In the first week, it will be bad. But as the cravings slowly disappear, so will the PMS. These ex-smokers are so used to smoke at least once in an hour. Going for a few days without a cigarette will definitely have an effect to their mind.
Your body will get tired easily and your mind will have short attention span. To combat this, don't take caffeine. Caffeine won't help. Drink lots of warm water, and take short naps in between. Sleep more than you usually do. You will need all the extra energy and concentration to go through the days.
And last but not least. THE CRAVINGS. God, my mouth watered at the thought of having a cigarette after each heavy meal; breakfast, lunch and dinner. And not to mention, the pooping sessions. How do you combat this? Well for me, I tweet more, and occasionally munch on chewing gums. Do anything that could take your mind off the cigarette. It will be a constant battle because your mind will keep thinking about it. Take 3 deep breaths when the craving comes. It will go away in 3-5 minutes. Be strong
Week 2
The PMS is still there. The cough and phlegm are still there. But they aren't as bad as the first week. You'll still need that extra sleep especially if you drive a lot. Spend more time in a non-smoking area. Try to avoid smoking crowds. Eat in smaller portions, but often. The momentum is building. You can't waste your effort last week by quitting now. Be patient, be strong.
You will notice that food will become tastier, and you will be more sensitive to perfumes. Your gum will feel a bit tight. That's because your taste buds and respiratory system are healing, replacing the dead cells. And nicotine had shrunk the blood vessels in your mouth. Now that you've stopped smoking, slowly, it is expanding and repairing itself. It's amazing how your body is repairing itself after the extensive damage you have done to it.
Week 3 & 4
No more phlegm and cough. PMS is going away. Your body is close to working normally now. The only thing that is still bothering you is the craving to light up a stick. Try inhaling a puff now. You will feel that the smell is awful, and you don't like it at all. That's because your system is recuperating and healing. Doing sports now is not a bad idea, as it helps replace the carbon monoxide in your hemoglobin with oxygen at a faster rate.
The momentum is already there. Keep it up. Soon you will no longer feel the need to smoke anymore. In these few weeks, you're gonna need a strong and supportive partner, as well as something to distract your mind off cigarettes.
Moving forward
Congratulations. You have made it into your first month of not smoking. Set a milestone, and don't forget to reward yourself with something, i.e: 1 month, 3 months, half a year, 1 year. Stay positive, and remember that the pain that you're going through is going to be worth the extra years in your life. Good luck, and if you do relapse, just keep calm, and do it again.
Tweet me at @aizadfahmy if you need advice or someone to talk to. I'll be there for you and help you any way I can
Anyways, let me break it down on a weekly basis:
Week 1
The first week is the most painful week. First you will get cough and phlegm. Lots of phlegm. It was like you had swallowed the devil's jizz and you have to spit it back out. Prepare your cough syrup, honey, and warm water to accompany your nights. Apparently, this symptom is because your body is regulating itself and it's trying to get rid of the excessive mucus from your throat, as well as the tar build up in your lungs. Think of it as a change of management; some things have got to go in order to restore balance.
After the cough and phlegm, comes the mild fever. Now this differs from person to person. I had a very mild fever, whereas I heard some people even got hospitalized. So it really depends on your immune system. It will go away in 2 to 3 days.
Next, the PMS. Yes, men will have the worst PMS ever. Like they have a vagina, and a little bit of sand got stuck in it. These ex-smokers will be easily irritated, easily annoyed, can easily lose their temper. It's all in the mind, yes. But please, you can't expect us to have super power mind, can you? In the first week, it will be bad. But as the cravings slowly disappear, so will the PMS. These ex-smokers are so used to smoke at least once in an hour. Going for a few days without a cigarette will definitely have an effect to their mind.
Your body will get tired easily and your mind will have short attention span. To combat this, don't take caffeine. Caffeine won't help. Drink lots of warm water, and take short naps in between. Sleep more than you usually do. You will need all the extra energy and concentration to go through the days.
And last but not least. THE CRAVINGS. God, my mouth watered at the thought of having a cigarette after each heavy meal; breakfast, lunch and dinner. And not to mention, the pooping sessions. How do you combat this? Well for me, I tweet more, and occasionally munch on chewing gums. Do anything that could take your mind off the cigarette. It will be a constant battle because your mind will keep thinking about it. Take 3 deep breaths when the craving comes. It will go away in 3-5 minutes. Be strong
Week 2
The PMS is still there. The cough and phlegm are still there. But they aren't as bad as the first week. You'll still need that extra sleep especially if you drive a lot. Spend more time in a non-smoking area. Try to avoid smoking crowds. Eat in smaller portions, but often. The momentum is building. You can't waste your effort last week by quitting now. Be patient, be strong.
You will notice that food will become tastier, and you will be more sensitive to perfumes. Your gum will feel a bit tight. That's because your taste buds and respiratory system are healing, replacing the dead cells. And nicotine had shrunk the blood vessels in your mouth. Now that you've stopped smoking, slowly, it is expanding and repairing itself. It's amazing how your body is repairing itself after the extensive damage you have done to it.
Week 3 & 4
No more phlegm and cough. PMS is going away. Your body is close to working normally now. The only thing that is still bothering you is the craving to light up a stick. Try inhaling a puff now. You will feel that the smell is awful, and you don't like it at all. That's because your system is recuperating and healing. Doing sports now is not a bad idea, as it helps replace the carbon monoxide in your hemoglobin with oxygen at a faster rate.
The momentum is already there. Keep it up. Soon you will no longer feel the need to smoke anymore. In these few weeks, you're gonna need a strong and supportive partner, as well as something to distract your mind off cigarettes.
Moving forward
Congratulations. You have made it into your first month of not smoking. Set a milestone, and don't forget to reward yourself with something, i.e: 1 month, 3 months, half a year, 1 year. Stay positive, and remember that the pain that you're going through is going to be worth the extra years in your life. Good luck, and if you do relapse, just keep calm, and do it again.
Tweet me at @aizadfahmy if you need advice or someone to talk to. I'll be there for you and help you any way I can
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Love note #2
As I'm writing this, you're fast asleep on the other side of the phone. I'm keeping my promise to not hang up til it disconnects. 3 more minutes sayang. Funny how you could turn me into something I hated before; a hopeless romantic. You're my imagination turned reality. My kind of a perfect girl :)
Time's up. Line got disconnected. Good night sayang. Have a good rest!
p/s: I love you
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Thursday, 7 June 2012
Stop smoking: Step 2 - How?
There are a couple of ways on how to stop smoking. If you do your research, you'll find that there are drugs/medicine that will help you to stop smoking. But there are no better ways to stop than good ol' self-motivation.
The week before I stopped smoking, I started that e-cigarette. I used RoyaleSmoke.com set. Bought it for RM 200, then I bought 2 sets of cartridges at RM 20 each to last me for 1 week plus. It lasted me for 9 days. e-Cigarette is a pretty good way to stop smoking, or at least to cut down on your smoking habit. Instead of tar and other dangerous gasses, you'll inhale nicotine and food additive. It feels awkward when you first started smoking e-Cigarette, but it will grow on you. Soon, it will replace your real cigarette, and you will start depending on it instead.
That's the thing. You'll still be dependent. Don't you see how pointless it is? Yeah, it's cheaper than smoking real cigarette. Yeah, it's safer. Yeah, there are no major side effects. But you'll still be dependent on another stuff. For me, it defeats the whole purpose of trying to quit smoking. I realized that a few days after I've started smoking that e-Cigarette. And then I told myself repeatedly: It's just nicotine. How bad can it hurt me?
So, how did I stop smoking? I think the e-Cigarette helped me. It helped by cutting down my addiction to the real thing. In that 9 days, the craving to hold a real cigarette was gone. Not completely, but significantly lower than before. I used the same method as Taubat (repenting) in Islam. Let me educate you a little bit on Taubat.
Taubat in Arabic means "coming back". There are 3 components in Taubat:
So I quit cold turkey after substituting to e-cigarette for about 9 days. Well, not really cold turkey, but I tried softening the blow. And hey, it worked because it gave me the strength. I didn't know if I can live without cigarette before. But after I've tried that e-cigarette, life without cigarettes isn't that bad. Changed my perception of cigarettes. I know it's a lot of drama to just quit smoking, but it's a big deal to me and I needed to plan and foresee the impact to me and to my loved ones. My advice is, if you're really scared of quitting cold turkey, try e-cigarette first. It helps by giving you a preview of how life is without cigarettes. And if you're comfortable with it, jump ship with me!
That's the end of step 2. Next, I will share the side effects from my attempt to quit smoking
The week before I stopped smoking, I started that e-cigarette. I used RoyaleSmoke.com set. Bought it for RM 200, then I bought 2 sets of cartridges at RM 20 each to last me for 1 week plus. It lasted me for 9 days. e-Cigarette is a pretty good way to stop smoking, or at least to cut down on your smoking habit. Instead of tar and other dangerous gasses, you'll inhale nicotine and food additive. It feels awkward when you first started smoking e-Cigarette, but it will grow on you. Soon, it will replace your real cigarette, and you will start depending on it instead.
That's the thing. You'll still be dependent. Don't you see how pointless it is? Yeah, it's cheaper than smoking real cigarette. Yeah, it's safer. Yeah, there are no major side effects. But you'll still be dependent on another stuff. For me, it defeats the whole purpose of trying to quit smoking. I realized that a few days after I've started smoking that e-Cigarette. And then I told myself repeatedly: It's just nicotine. How bad can it hurt me?
So, how did I stop smoking? I think the e-Cigarette helped me. It helped by cutting down my addiction to the real thing. In that 9 days, the craving to hold a real cigarette was gone. Not completely, but significantly lower than before. I used the same method as Taubat (repenting) in Islam. Let me educate you a little bit on Taubat.
Taubat in Arabic means "coming back". There are 3 components in Taubat:
- Determined not to repeat and leave the committed sins
- Regret and hate of the committed sins
- Leave all other related sins
- Determined not to repeat and leave the habit of smoking
- Regret and hate the habit of smoking
- Leave all other related actions leading to smoking
So I quit cold turkey after substituting to e-cigarette for about 9 days. Well, not really cold turkey, but I tried softening the blow. And hey, it worked because it gave me the strength. I didn't know if I can live without cigarette before. But after I've tried that e-cigarette, life without cigarettes isn't that bad. Changed my perception of cigarettes. I know it's a lot of drama to just quit smoking, but it's a big deal to me and I needed to plan and foresee the impact to me and to my loved ones. My advice is, if you're really scared of quitting cold turkey, try e-cigarette first. It helps by giving you a preview of how life is without cigarettes. And if you're comfortable with it, jump ship with me!
That's the end of step 2. Next, I will share the side effects from my attempt to quit smoking
Stop smoking: Step 1 - Why?
Hello smokers. Yes, this post is for you. I'm proud to say I was a smoker for 10 years. I have stopped smoking for 5 days now, and I want to share my experience so far with you. I know many of you are thinking of stopping, but you don't know why, and how. Or at least, you don't have a compelling enough reason to stop smoking. Then I'm gonna share what are the side effects that I'm experiencing, and why you are experiencing it. I'm here with you. I feel your pain. Let me guide you.
To start off, why do you need to stop smoking? Couple of reasons:
Everyone has different motivations. Mine is Nawal. Nawal helps me a lot. She's been a huge part in all this. Right from the beginning. She never asked me to stop smoking. In fact, she loves the smell of cigarette. "But why do you need to stop smoking Aizad?" - because I'm motivated to give us a good life. I'm concerned about my health, concerned about her health, and also our future babies. I put all of that in consideration when I decided to stop smoking. And that's my motivation. You can cheat. There's no doubt you can cheat. But when the thought comes, you'll need that motivation to say NO.
NO, I'VE WORKED TOO HARD FOR THIS. I CAN'T STOP NOW
I hope this will help you find a reason to stop smoking, and a motivation to help you to continue to stop smoking. I will share the rest of the mechanics of quitting cigarette in the next posts
To start off, why do you need to stop smoking? Couple of reasons:
- Health risks
- Heart
- Stamina
- Reproduction system
- Cancer
- Second hand smokers
- Other major ailments
- Financial
- I have smoked for 10 years straight now, without skipping. I smoked on average 20 sticks a day. In 10 years, that amounted to RM 27,000 give or take. That's a shitload of money you can save
- Psychological
- Being a smoker, you need to have that puff in order to think, or to function properly. Without nicotine, you'll be useless. You will be dependent on that drug for the rest of your life
- You will affect other people around you, especially your loved ones with your mood swings if you don't get your fix
- Physical
- You smell bad. Your breath smells bad. Your clothes smells bad. You don't realize this, but imagine when you walk in the elevator full of people after you had your fix. It's not the best smell in the world
- Your fingers will smell afterwards. And it's dirty from the residual tar left behind. Your partner will notice
Everyone has different motivations. Mine is Nawal. Nawal helps me a lot. She's been a huge part in all this. Right from the beginning. She never asked me to stop smoking. In fact, she loves the smell of cigarette. "But why do you need to stop smoking Aizad?" - because I'm motivated to give us a good life. I'm concerned about my health, concerned about her health, and also our future babies. I put all of that in consideration when I decided to stop smoking. And that's my motivation. You can cheat. There's no doubt you can cheat. But when the thought comes, you'll need that motivation to say NO.
NO, I'VE WORKED TOO HARD FOR THIS. I CAN'T STOP NOW
I hope this will help you find a reason to stop smoking, and a motivation to help you to continue to stop smoking. I will share the rest of the mechanics of quitting cigarette in the next posts
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Tick tock
As the day passes by, it's another day closer to the day we'll get married. Everyday I learn new things about her. This still feels surreal. Everything is. This is what you get when you planned to not get married at all after a huge heartbreak; God showed me a way and shut me up for good. But hey God, I ain't complaining. Thank you :)
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Mama's wish
All my life, mama has always been my backbone. She's always been the one who came to my rescue. I admit it, I'm a bit of mama's boy. Not that I wanted it, but she kept insisting on helping me. Like when I was small, she had my back when other kids bullied me. When this one kid threw a rock to me and it hit my head, she went after that kid and went raaaaaggee on him. Haha. Memories
Mom always said that she wanted either a nurse, or a teacher, because she knew that I need someone who has the patience to handle me, understand me, care for me, respect me. Essentially, she wanted someone who can take care of me, as well as she does, if not better.
Well mama, I found her. I found her. I finally understand what you mean by those words. I know exactly what I want now. I see my future, crystal clear. She resembles you in many different ways. She's as pretty as you, she's as funny as you, she's as comforting as you. Heck, she even sulks like you. Hahaha!
To whose arms are the most comfortable when I cried in, for the past 27 years of my life, and especially last year, I have found someone who love me as much as you do mama. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's just everything that I need, and more.
Happy Mother's Day mama. Nurunnawal is my gift to you, because I have nothing more precious to share with you mama, other than this loving girl of mine. And with your blessings, I would like to start a new life with her, and she will be someone who will support me, just like you did mama.
I love you, both my favourite girls
Mom always said that she wanted either a nurse, or a teacher, because she knew that I need someone who has the patience to handle me, understand me, care for me, respect me. Essentially, she wanted someone who can take care of me, as well as she does, if not better.
Well mama, I found her. I found her. I finally understand what you mean by those words. I know exactly what I want now. I see my future, crystal clear. She resembles you in many different ways. She's as pretty as you, she's as funny as you, she's as comforting as you. Heck, she even sulks like you. Hahaha!
To whose arms are the most comfortable when I cried in, for the past 27 years of my life, and especially last year, I have found someone who love me as much as you do mama. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's just everything that I need, and more.
Happy Mother's Day mama. Nurunnawal is my gift to you, because I have nothing more precious to share with you mama, other than this loving girl of mine. And with your blessings, I would like to start a new life with her, and she will be someone who will support me, just like you did mama.
I love you, both my favourite girls
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Finally I have someone to dedicate this video to
Let's just fall in love over and over again Nawal :)
Saturday, 5 May 2012
A poem for Nawal
You're not my first, my only, but you're one of a kind
I have loved before, and I will love again
We're not perfect you and I, but it is enough for me
Happiness, not sorrow, is what I can offer to thee
If you give me your heart, I have a place to keep it
Next to mine, a holy grail, where it is sacred
I'll laugh, I'll smile, I'll even cry
To break your heart or hurt you, I won't even try
I care not about your past, I only want our future
I'll miss you, I'll love you, forever, ever after..
- Aizad Fahmy, 6th April 2012
I have loved before, and I will love again
We're not perfect you and I, but it is enough for me
Happiness, not sorrow, is what I can offer to thee
If you give me your heart, I have a place to keep it
Next to mine, a holy grail, where it is sacred
I'll laugh, I'll smile, I'll even cry
To break your heart or hurt you, I won't even try
I care not about your past, I only want our future
I'll miss you, I'll love you, forever, ever after..
- Aizad Fahmy, 6th April 2012
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Turnaround
It's been one year. Exactly one year since I left. One year since I made the biggest decision in my life. Not to forget the hardest. Lots have happened since then. I was depressed, I quit my job. If not because of my new friends I made through twitter, I think I would be in a mental institute right now. I owe it to them. They are the best.
But this post is not about my depression. Not about my job. Not about my social media life. This post is about one extraordinary girl who changed everything. She turned my life around. She gave me something to look forward to. The air smells fresher. Colours are more vibrant. I constantly think about my future with her. The best thing is, she came out of no where. Unexpectedly. I used to hate her to the guts. She was so unfriendly. There were moments when I feel like punching her in the face. But God has other plans.
The first time we met, it was like a dream date from heaven. We talked and talked for hours. It felt as if I've known her my entire life. And things got more serious from there. We fell for each other, just like that. Just like a chick flick movie.
Nawal, if you're reading this, hear me out. You're the single most unbelievable thing I went through my whole life. I've fallen in love with you. I've fallen so hard, without knowing how, without a reason. You taught me how beautiful love is. I've never experienced this before. This feels alien to me, but yet, so familiar.
"I care not about your past, I only want our future
I'll miss you, I'll love you forever ever after"
I love you Nawal
